The Eye of Time

There's a smudge of grey blanketing the sky as I write, some sunlight filtering down. The cat is playful, a mere baby. He pads around the apartment, gazing at me every now and then with those full moon eyes of his. Deeply curious, deeply wise. It's just him and I this weekend, he is in my care. I adore the gentle and quiet way he leaps onto surfaces and the perfectly aligned way he sits, the way he stretches. How he is just him. The cat. Not mindlessly absorbing the ways of others around him, thinking too hard about who he needs to be in this world. He is who he is and that is that.

In fact this has been somewhat of a mantra for me this year. I am who I am and that is that.

I AM WHO I AM AND THAT IS THAT.

There have been many moments during this year that the words have slipped from my grasp, moved to sit behind the shadows cast by everything outside of me. However since the start of September something strong has shifted inside me for good this time. I sense the shift so deeply. The strength in who I am, here, right now as a woman and as a human being in this world. The strength resides and shines bright.

Three months lay sprawled between now and my thirtieth year alive in this world. So naturally I am reflective. Three months, thirty years, how time expands and contracts just like the breath in and out. How it seems to pause like the space between the inhale and exhale. I sit in this pause, the eye of time, amidst the beautiful storm that moves around me.

My day job really began to engulf me this year, in its vast and comfortable jaws. Being around the work and the people every single day made me want to rise in the environment. To work harder and not smarter. Definitely not intuitively and definitely not for myself. I applied and got into university to better my education in the field of work I have found myself in. I went out with my colleagues on Friday evenings getting ridiculously drunk and paying for it the next day. Because that's what you do isn't it? Work hard and long during the week to then finally let it all out on a Friday evening? No. This is not me. I lost myself. I let go of everything important in what defines me, what is aligned with me because I hadn't tried this way of life before. This 'normal' way to live. Thankfully I have returned to myself.

Something has never sat comfortably in me with abusing my body with alcohol and working in a day job where the content is dry and meaningless to me. Yet I do my best everyday. I turn up and I engage because the work is important to others and I respect this. I acknowledge this. However I am strong enough now to maintain my sense of self, and when I can, engage in work important to me. Thanks to submerging myself deeper into meditation I have returned to who I am. The shadows have passed, the breath from the mouth of the Universe has moved the tangled clouds from my vision.

I am a creative human being and this is how I am to live.

For as long as I can remember something hasn't felt right about working a day job to buy food, clothes, pay the bills, pay for transport and for holidays. All to support the day job which doesn't provide true fulfilment anyway. Counting down to the weekend where I can finally dive into what fills me up is not the best way to live. I am worthy of living everyday fulfilled, pouring out into the world what I am here for. We are all worthy of this.

There are two states of mind people live in. Working to live because this is what has been pumped into our minds since school. Be safe in your work, because how are you going to live otherwise? What will others think if you are not labelled by a good job, a respectable career? But is it respectable to yourself? This is the question that needs to be asked.

And then there is the way of life in which one has the power to create and manifest as one pleases. Living to work. Living to truthfully and uniquely serve others. Embracing creativity and trusting that all sources of abundance flow into life with ease. This is the way to live. With purpose. And I am in transition. I am grateful to be aware and awake.

Loretta xo